Thoughts from America- Aurora

The line in Broken Chords "can we go on now?" leads towards "If We Go On". Interruptions towards rebellion. Stopping and starting. Remembering moments from previous shows. Creating while performing. There is not a smooth structure. You can switch off and on more and more easily. Both of the shows end up being very emotional, but IWGO gives you the distance, you can look at the picture, the emotions, you can frame them, there is no need to sink into them. In IWGO there is more room for play, for mistakes, for being who you are. Questioning and saying "No to Bach, partner work, emotional catharsis..." followed next night by performing Broken Chords gives more understanding to what the game is in IWGO. There is the game in the show itself but also there is a dialogue between Broken Chords and If We Go On.

This is the straw that break the camel's back - this camel is not taking any more straws

I started making If We Go On (IWGO) in May 2009, designing and planning and thinking, and was soon joined by a heavily pregnant Aurora to start making the work, before giving birth. A year later, having toured the UK with Aurora's two children for two seasons, we are just finishing a tour of three venues in another continent - New Jersey and Pittsburgh in the States and Ottowa, Canada at the National Arts Centre.

At Montclair State University's Alexander Kaisser Theatre in New Jersey we performed IWGO and Broken Chords, the latter requiring a huge amount of re-rehearsal as four new performers joined the cast and Janusz learnt Lee Clayden's role. Fernanda Prata, Luisa Lazzaro, Harry Theaker and Kip Johnson joined the VDT cast - and all of them have done a fantastic job. With Scott Smith, Carly Best its a very big, very strong and experienced group of performers doing two shows in one venue.

Sitting watching IWGO one night and Broken Chords (made in 2005) the next evening I am struck by the similarities and the differences between the two works. IWGO is undoubtedly darker, more fractured, more challenging, less easy on the eye. It circles around itself, goes nowhere and everywhere, confounds expectations, pisses people off, shakes you, bores you, makes you sit up and listen, makes you marvel at the skill of the performers involved.

I love watching Harry move - he hasn't danced like this for years and it suits him. He is truly versatile and is as connected with his movement instinct at 42 as he was when he was 22. It just takes his body more time to remember stuff!

I love watching Carly and Janusz battle it out in their duet - aggressively slamming each other against the wall, providing themselves with their own soundtrack through Alex's feedback loop. Carly is like dynamite- wound up, exquisite, precise, committed, present.

I love hearing the sounds that emerge from Alex and his cello- the hardcore thwacking, the beautifully round waves of sound, the woody baseline, the moments where my full attention is on strings being drawn and bent and pushed and pulled in and out of shape. In his hands the cello is most beautiful and most ugly and I relish it all. His fingers dance throughout the show.

I love the drawl of Scott's voice, the pace quickening, the pace slowing, the irony pushing through, the instinctual movements and shifts in tone and song in the way he plays it, in the way he moves. And he plays it differently every night. He plays a mean clarinet and mouth organ too.

I could watch Aurora being Pina Bausch (or Marina Abramovic, or just herself) forever. She lilts and tilts and droops and holds onto an internal world as though her life depends on it. She is lovely and clever and magical to watch as the musicians swell the sound around her and pull her into and out of a scene of her own making. She commands the stage - subtle, tiny but always so present.

I watch Janusz with admiration, speaking, questioning, faltering, adjusting, refusing, slowly bowing out. But I have a feeling he'll be back for more dancing. After all this I am ready to see him move again- Broken Chords has reminded me (in his duets with Luisa) how watchable he is when he is physically on fire.

I witness Patrycja reigning in her energy, suppressing it, controlling it only to let it scream out at points in the show where nothing else will do. She is both primal and controlled. You feel the visceral pleasure of the words in her mouth as she glues the show together with Wendy Houstoun's more risque texts, texts that question everything, texts that give away all she has to give. When she hits the mark, she sends shivers up my spine.

Most of all though -heightened by seeing this work on foreign soil, alongside the piece that made the company's name 5 years ago- I feel enormous pride in the ensemble, in us all having the balls to try something new. I thank the admin team at home for making this happen and the group for trusting me enough to follow this path.

I feel very uncertain as to what can be next after so much questioning, but with some time off this will emerge and unfold as it always does and I will start to make phone calls to these talented, committed collaborators. "Hey, I've had this idea I think we should try...."

Patrycja's Spring Tour Blog

I’ve only realised that we‘ve only got 7 shows left, before the spring tour finishes. The nature of this tour (big gaps between performances) makes me feel like every time we do it it’s a little premiere. It will soon be over, before I even could say that I KNOW everything about this show.

I’ve learned that although one performance doesn’t change much from another (well -it inevitably varies- as this is a nature of live art) even tiny alterations of tempo, tone, colour, way of approaching one’s activity seem to have massive impact on the overall picture. It’s a fragile organism. Although I aim to be as consistent as I can, there is an ongoing dialog with myself how far can I go – i.e reacting intuitively to audience responses – without bringing the damage to the structure. (A mischievous little desires to REALLY confront one or another member of the public and ask :“Is this shitty?” or “I’m melting in front of you- how does it make you feel?” “Shut up and listen!”…forth wall? What forth wall…

All the texts I deliver on stage, no matter if they are written by Wendy, or Scott, became mine, in a funny sense that I have to remind myself that –as Janusz says in show “these words are not mine”.

During each show I develop a special- one off, mini relationship with the audience. My role is to communicate between US and THEM, I spend lots of time looking into their eyes, observing. I sympathise with them at times, occasionally becoming one of them to observe my own actions. It depends on the night and who came to watch us, and what vibe they send towards us, my feelings towards public fluctuates between sense of joy of serving them something they probably didn’t expect, masochistic pleasure of seeing their confusion, satisfaction…or relief if they “get it”. Equipped with confidence I storm onto the stage, only to experience a wave of doubt. A difference between FEELING and ACTING doubt.

“I ‘m real”

“There isn’t such a thing as being real on the stage”

(?)

For a split second I might feel slightly superior…or even angry or disappointed, thinking If We Go On is really NOT THAT EDGY…so what’s the fuss… I‘m curious what American audiences will make of it all.

Scott's Thoughts - Feb 2010

Recently, it has seemed that there has been a need to inject some new (old?) questions into the working process, as we have been challenged by audiences, size of venue, repetition, and familiarity among other things.

We played a very large (for us) theatre last week, and there was some concern about the work getting far enough off of the stage to read in the further reaches of the house. It seems we won’t have big houses to deal with often, so perhaps, the concern will dissipate again for a while. I have gotten more practice in delivering to a smaller group of audience, that I can comprehend in front of me of an evening...

I have been thinking that this work asks an audience to consider their very own personal relationship to the events on stage or in the theatre. There are events that have happened during shows, audience leaving during the pauses on stage, or directing questions at the players, or leaving the theatre. I feel a bit like we have opened up a smallish can of worms asking people to think. And if what we have made is an object?
Is the object mutable? Plastic?
Who are the appropriate persons to mutate the object?
The players, the audience, the director, the writer, dramaturge, etc?
Is the object mutable? And if so, what are the contingencies?

Are we acting?
Is acting more or less appropriate to the work? In what measure?

During the run of this production, I have begun to notice a kind of angst arising in my performance. Irony is maybe a difficult quality to sustain, without giving in to its darker side. It’s probably more practical to love an audience, than to hate an audience.

Look at me just look at me.
Don’t look at me, just don’t look at me.

The new production crew is good. Kick back and let them do it good.

The tour is full of holes. Holes in the schedule. Its a different kind of tour. I come home often. There is plenty to do.

People/the public seem to be finding things in the work to ponder, some of them. Others ponder other things. What people like, what people dislike.
I think the work wanted to ask some questions of conventions. The rub, has caused some heat, here and there.
I can’t tell if we are hip. Or not.
Depends on who you ask.

At any rate,
Thank God she went on. It has changed our lives, forever.

Janusz's Blog Feb 2010

The spring tour of If We Go On has been met with a few changes. Well, maybe not that many - most important I think is that we have a new technical team - Dom Martin and Nik Kennedy. We are still the same cast of performers, still touring with two lovely, little kids of Aurora’s, still facing up to the fragile nature of the work. Those who saw it, know what I am talking about, Those who did not, should make their way to the theatre to see it. It is a brave show, a very good antidote to what is usually shown in dance, especially in UK. People often say that they prefer "the other" VDT works. It does not surprise me - we all want what we already know, what we are familiar with. It is safe, comfortable, nice. Well, I can only say it makes me proud that we, as company, took a risk and put on a different show.

I think that the experience at British Dance Edition in Birmingham was by far one of the most strange, exciting and memorable (not an easy show to do in a venue like the Birmingham Rep Theatre, with such a big auditorium). The audience (most of them were delegates and promoters) began leaving the auditorium 10 minutes before the show actually ended. Quite scary, but at the same time an exciting thing to see in front of your eyes. And while we were still going and Patrycja began to say her last (very important) words in the show, some of them turned and came back to their seats, some stopped, turned and listed, some left anyway. What a happening!

Remember the words of a lady who came to me after the show and said: "As long as I live on this earth, I always thought that the sign to clap and leave the theatre was when the houselights are on".

Video Trailer

Here is our new If We Go On trailer.




We will be kicking off our UK spring tour at The Junction, Cambridge on Tuesday 2 February at 8pm. Other UK tour dates include:

3 February 2010, 8pm
Wilde Theatre, South Hill Park, Bracknell

5 February 2010, 8pm
British Dance Edition 2010
Birmingham Repertory Theatre

9 & 10 February 2010, 8pm
Nuffield Theatre Lancaster

24 February 2010, 7.30pm
Lawrence Batley Theatre, Huddersfield

3 March 2010, 8pm
Weston Studio, Wales Millennium Centre, Cardiff

17 March 2010, 7.30pm
Curve, Leicester

19 March 2010, 7.30pm
Harrogate Theatre

We hope to see you there. Enjoy.

Janusz's Steps

Walked in with a suspicious step.

A "worrying step.

A "do not want to step in” step.

A “am not sure if I will fit in” step.

A “not sure what step to take” step.

A happy step.

A willing step.

A “willing for what” step.

There will be lots of steps…

I do not want to make the next step.

Maybe I do not want to step in at all.

Maybe I do not know how to step in.

Maybe I will step too far.

Maybe I already made a big step.

How will I know when is the last step?

More steps…

I make a step.

One step.

Second step.

Third step.

“I don’t know what it means” step.

“I don’t know will it mean anything” step.

“I simply don’t know” step.

Have you had enough of stepping the steps?

I continue to step the steps.

Stepping forwards.

Stepping backwards.

Stepping upwards.

Stepping downwards.

Stepping for a piss.

Stepping for a fag.

Stepping for a rant.

Stepping for a chat.

Stepping to the office.

Stepping up and down.

Fuck that stepping rhyme…

More steps are coming up…

Third week steps become clearer.

Is it still worth to step in further?

Do I step towards the right direction?

Is that step mean a step to me??

Step, step, step…

Ok, and one more step…

For once, make that one fucking meaningful step.

“Is it difficult to ask?” step.

“In no particular order” step.

A “Persistance” step.

A “Costa-Rican” step.

An “understudy” step.

A “calming presence” step.

A “crying baby” step.

A “City Road’ step.

A “Crookes” step.

A “Lower Walkley” step.

A “sex for pleasure” step.

A “Class 2 National Insurance” step.

A “draft schedule” step.

A “Darren Brown” step.

A “Protect and survive” step.

A “Rubiez” step.

Too many steps…

Few more steps… (patience)

Step, step, step…

Fuck the steps, fuck ‘em up!

Step up.

Step forward.

Keep stepping.

keep stepping..

keep stepping…

step alone

Step together

Yes, step together.

Lets Gather Together, Like We Used To

Alex is composing, scoring, attacking, questioning, managing and making sound.

Carly is dancing, signing, thinking, remaining mute.

PK is talking, shouting, breathing, reading, presenting out, pushing the action inwards.

Scott is playing, reading, talking, measuring time in pauses.

Janusz is copying, noting, notating, correcting, watching, refusing, stealing, reworking.

Aurora is floating, drawing, drawing breath and tending to her baby girl.

Henry is moving, often alone.

Patrycja's Thoughts, 9 September 2009

I'm pleasantly snowed under an overwhelming amount of text.

There are hundreds of paper sheets floating on the stage floor,

a massive pile of printed words on my stage desk,

dozens of wrinkled, half-ripped and stained pages waiting backstage...

I feel like a

WORD collector

WORD deliverer

WORD transmitter

WORD interpreter

WORD presenter

WORD consumer

WORD broadcaster

...some WORDS are more MINE than others...

The ACT of organizing all these words in the space, in my head, my mouth , in my memory, in a loop station, is an ongoing task. The DIFFICULTY of organizing them will be explicit throughout the performance too.

WORDS as a substance

WORDS as sonic value

WORDS as rhythmical value

WORDS as emotional value

Tangible WORDS

WORDS flying in a 'storm' scene

WORDS squashed under the pressure of the expectation of MEANING

WORDS chopped and divided to syllables, singular letters.

WORDS as a weapon against abstraction.

WORDS seasoned with a Polish accent.

Signs and Languages

Tomorrow we all stop for a week - offering some much needed head space. This week with Alex Carly and Janusz has been a good week for the work. A fog has lifted and we are working towards some kind of common understanding. The ground work that has been done is beginning to reap rewards and the work is gathering its own momentum. This is when I start to make connections, where people's journeys and languages start to fall slowly into place, where threads are picked up and sense is made of 'scenes' or functional actions. We are practical in the approach to making this work. What does the room need now? I am carrying a vast amount of stuff around in my head - connections between materials from May, July, August devising periods. We have talked a lot this week and it has been useful, non-egocentric talking - about the work and what it needs, what it means, what it offers us, where it may be going. All three performers are is working within a restricted palette of language - pushing one idea as far as it can go, amking, dismantling, reworking, reshaping, repeating, pushing it around. We end up with multiple versions of similar material, material that can be looped and repeated, but what is exciting is that we are now distilling down - making decisions about what works and what needs to be rejected and removed from the picture. I enjoy this process. Mining, digging, reforming, recalling, settling on one version that might be something. And we are rupturing the material- marking it, speeding it up, stealing from others, writing it, scoring it, reading it, omitting bits....shifting between languages, just like the flyer says we should be.

Thursday 27 August

Alex Writes, 26 August

If language is the key to cracking this, than surely we can find each other in the dark…?

If this sort of darkness is anything like fog, it will settle, leaving us were we started: the place we want to know for the first time again (wink T.S. Eliot)

Carly, Charlotte, Henry, PK, Val, Scott, Sam, Ruth, Wendy, Janusz and I…..six weeks later

42 days and 41 nights

Some of us don’t want to move

Some are reluctant to piece two movements together in fear of actual choreography arising from the ashes of afterthought….

I don’t think it’s about the movement or about the words or sound or about acting or about the lack of a set (so to speak) or about art in general…

We’re dealing with an internal strike; We want to pause. In the limelight. And unravel ourselves as you’ve never seen us before (outside a pub): just being here and trying things out, failing and getting up….because if you never fail you will never experience getting up.

We are trying to move the spectacle from what we do to how we do it and eventually to who we are.

Is that interesting?

The Arts Council seem to really hope so…

Darkness is settling…

Here we go

Buck naked (so to speak)

Stuttering from the heart for the first time on stage….enjoy us.

Enjoy us as we attempt to pause…

What we do, you’ve seen before

This is a total one off

So to speak

More Sunday Questions, 23 August

How to place instruction at the centre of the work?

'I've got something I'd like to show you'

GO GO GO GO GO GO GO

START STOP

AGAIN AGAIN

How to 'mine' the material.

'Just put your foot there.

There in the dark

Step

Step

Step'

Reluctance and refusals

Audiences are very quiet.

How to put a frame around events to introduce our intentions?

How to make an invitation to do something?

How to state the instruction?

'We're going to try something a bit different tonight, Ladies and Gentlemen.

When the lights come on I will dance for you. When they go off I will stop'.

Should every performer just have one action that is repeated and repeated and repeated with time measured and duration noted. Repetition in a changing context throws new light on the material - and includes the audience in the game of recognition and change.

How to avoid a jumble sale of ideas - limit the options?

When to stop?

BEING UNSURE ABOUT HOW TO CONTINUE

REPEATED CIRCLES OF MATERIAL

RECYCLED EVENTS

AN ORDER THAT IS LOST OR CONFUSED

BEING UNDER THE SPOTLIGHT

GOING OFF SCRIPT

BURNING OURSELVES OUT

LOOPING

PHASING

PROMPTING

WATCHING BEHAVIOURS

These are not my words

I LIKE TO BE WATCHED

I LIKE TO BE ADORED

I ILE TO BE EXPOSED

I LIKE TO BE ADMIRED

I LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE THINK MY JOB IS BETTER THAN THEIRS

I AM VERY KEEN TO DO SOMETHING

I SHOULD DANCE

I SHOULD DANCE

GROWING UP IN PUBLIC

LOOK OUT AND ASK FOR HELP

Nearly There?

I CANT REMEMBER ANYTHING

WHERE IS THE SCRIPT

I USED TO BE ATTRACTIVE MUCH MORE CAPABLE

I WILL LOOK MEANINGFUL AND I WILL SHOW MY LEGS

I DONT WANT TO BE MISERABLE

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS BEING REAL ON STAGE

SUCCESS HAS GONE OUT OF THE WINDOW

GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO

Look at Us, Just Look at Us

Look at Us

Just Look at Us

We must be joking

We must be having a laugh

How did I get my foot in the door?

Who let us loose on the stage?

Bad Orchestra, 13 August 2009

Weds 12 July

I have wanted to make work with song in it for quite some time. As this seems to be the piece where I am throwing caution to the wind, today we start to sing. I ask Alex to compose a simple melody that we can harmonise to and we steal some words from Wendy’s NERVOUS NUMBER text:

LOOK OUT AND ASK FOR HELP

I CAN SEE FROM THE WAY YOU WATCH

THIS IS GOING TO BE – SPECIAL

I TREMBLE AND I HESITATE

The result is so on the edge of being completely appalling, that I imagine there must be something in it worth pursuing. PK and Alex like it so that’s good enough for me. Henry’s not so sure!

I give everyone a list of what they need to ‘get through’ in the next hour or so, on top of which

Using what sketches of materials we have generated we perform a structured improvisation

I ask Henry to take people hostage within the impro

I ask Alex to score his way through it

I ask PK to concentrate on getting through a long list of texts in different forms, including a panic attack

I ask Janusz and Carly to busk their way through what little material they have and make up the rest.

They get through it and some interesting scenes emerge. Feeling a need to start working in more detail, I decide to use what happened in this improv as the basis for emerging ‘episodes’, dissecting what happened, mapping the actions and recreating it in detail over the next 2 days so repeatable ‘scenes’ can start to emerge.

Tuesday 11 August

We create the QUIZ SHOW FOR THE BODY that Wendy has sent us, setting up Carly and Janusz as dancers who don’t know what they are doing or why, or where they are or what is expected of them. PK and Alex accompany with cheerful plucked music as the quiz slides out of control and the dancers retract to the back wall, embarrassed, ashamed, undone. Too easy?

Carly makes a phrase from a CALLING DANCE text, and with a bit of editing, a phrase that can be repeated over and over with an intervention from Alex.

Janusz creates a phrase with a STEP TO IT text that Claire Macdonald wrote ages ago after initial discussions in Sussex about this work. He works with a microphone in one hand and complicated foot patterns, accompanied by cello later in the week.

PK works on a text that starts acoustically in the shadows and emerges into the light, to which Henry dances and Alex plays cello.

10 August 2009

Janusz arrives from Posnan and Carly from London and the atmosphere shifts again. I am not sure yet whether a constantly evolving cast helps or hinders my own creative process. A devising process staggered into three weekly chunks of time with each performer means I have to hold much real and imagined data in my head as we work – imagining Scott here and Val there whilst working with everyone else. Aurora’s devising process feels like a long time ago. She has given birth to a baby girl (a week or so overdue) and is doing well. She was expecting to come over on 6^th September, but I wonder if this is realistic now - I hope she isn’t worrying too much about work and enjoying her first few weeks with her daughter.

My approach to making this piece has shifted this week. I have been in a mental and emotional fog of prescribed drugs since I started making work with Aurora and I have now finished the course and seem to be seeing straight again.

I reflect on how each performer seems to be turning up with quite a strong personal agenda for making this particular piece of work. Some would really rather work alone. Some really don’t want to be touched or manhandled. Some want to feel connected to the group. Some want to be out on a limb. Some don’t want to do partner work. Some feel it’s time to lay down the instruments they are expert at playing. Some would rather be down the pub. Most like to play and improvise. Again questions of free will and coercion – what does the piece need? Am I not being clear enough? In allowing more space and freedom for people to work things out for themselves within a process, am I being less of a director? How much direction to give experienced practitioners? Am I just providing a frame for their own explorations? What will we be left with? Where is the sense of ensemble? Will that come in September when we all reconvene to finish making and structuring the work? Am I giving people enough rope to hang themselves with?

Carly and Janusz arrive and there are expectations from me for more movement. Henry will spend the week consolidating his materials before leaving for three weeks. He is studious and independent in his approach, very clear about what he likes and doesn’t like, what he is willing and not willing to do on stage. He works things out for himself in relation to what is going on around him and doesn’t seem to equate dancing with ‘feeling’ anything- he has more of a functional approach somehow. Janusz is hoping not to do any duets this year – and I rather annoyingly ask him to create a wall duet with Carly on the first day he arrives. I can feel his dismay at being asked to create such a thing (again) but we need some material that serve this function and it’s a useful way to get Carly (who I haven’t worked with before) into the thick of it.

We play under the lights imagining the light as water falling on different parts of the body.

We develop a motif for PK that she is shocked every time the light falls on her face.

We develop circular patterns that may be useful to create the ‘storm’ I’ve been planning.

We describe a dance we have always wanted to make.

We read out loud several comical dances (from Italy, North London, Constantinople) that Wendy has written for us to try. We try them out. They are pretty bad.

PK starts work on a LOOK AT ME text.

We talk about rituals and repetition, about leaving a mark and the translation of movement into sound.

Wall Wipe / Panic Attack

wall wipe dance

panic attack

I Nevers / Counting texts

3-7th August

Alex's score dance - double jointed shoulders and arthritic knees lead to a broken down composer's dance, scraping along the back wall, fighting to score notes on the wall as Henry steadily draws the stave.

A ladder comes in handy for staging your own death, using text as wallpaper, breaking up the space.

Long Days Ahead

I ask Alex to musically score sonic events on the back wall. I like the way it looks. I think this and Aurora's drawing may both add an interesting graphic aspect to the work. the board looks beautiful when it has been cleaned. Alex plays dead. Henry plays dead.

Henry, Alex and Patrycja, 3 August 2009

We are now in the process of making a show, because when I mention these words in the studio people seem to know vaguely what to do:

PUNK ROCK

STORM

GO GO GO

KILL KILL KILL

I NEVERS

TAI CHI DANCE

SONG INTRO

GOOSE CHASE

SUCKY DANCE

LOOK AT ME

NERVOUS NUMBER

RANT

GLANCE DANCE

CRACKPOT

PETRONIO

PHOTO TEXT

DRAWING DANCE

WALL WIPE

WATERMARKS

ENIGMA DANCE

PISSING

HOSTAGE

ABU GHRAIB

SHORT PAUSE

PANIC ATTACK

Henry, Val and Alex, 29 July 2009

Henry is a calming independent presence. He suggests that he does not connect with the darker texts Wendy has written (following conversations with me). He would rather focus on rhythm of the writing. Years of practice show in his approach to the works on the page. Delicate, intricate movement patterns emerge in his long, lean body. Shifts of weight and small swipes carving air. Limbs that allow movement to linger in traces in the space. He generates movement fast and instinctively which looks deceptively effortless and simple. I enjoy watching him create material. He and Val create a duet with a STOP START text that Wendy has written.

GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO they shriek at each other - dancing madly

AGAIN

STOP

It reminds me of my niece Sylvie who shouts AGAIN AGAIN if you hang her upside down and then stack her back up.

Game playing. We need to play more.

Henry, Val and Alex, 27 July 2009

Val returns.

Henry arrives.

Alex arrives.

Scott comes back for a few days

Valentina 20-23 July

Scott has gone.

Val is still recovering from Italian Flu and trying to buy a house in London.

Alex is delayed because his visa didn't show up on time in Costa Rica.

I am struck down with Yorkshire Flu.

Val and I struggle for four days with texts that I think she can do something with.

She makes an interesting solo sucking in and swallowing words she is trying to speak. Big questions around whose works we are speaking and how to deal with text that carry my conceptual ideas which may not fit into or suit another performers' mouth.

These words are not my words.

My flu gets worse and for the first time in a long time we take Friday off and Val gets back to London a day early, ready to move house.

I spend three days in bed (sponsored by Kleenex tissues).

Scott's Reflections, Week 3, 13-17 July

Valentina arrived at our rehearsal process this week, so with PK, there are two other humans in the space with me. One thing that might have been slightly problematic for me so far, is that I dont have so much interest (desire) in soloing. This has been coming on the last few years for me. The clear desire to dance/perform/make sound/behave, in relationship to other people. At the very least, I seem to need objects or architecture. Otherwise, it can be difficult to find a reason or motivation for me to move. Why disturb the universe?

I crave paraphernalia.

This week has been concerned with making lists of would be materials, and trying them on in creative ways. There are some repetitions, and there are some turnings off into new prospects. As we are making hour long sessions often, it all gets mixed up in a gumbo of rehearsals and repetitions. One needs to stay alert as to what kind of signals are coming from fellow performers, in that they might be wanting to practice a specific material or scene, and need another person to perform their part, in that scene. Lots of materials generated, though as ever, how to organise them? There is also this very abstract notion (for me), of imagining how any given bit, will exist in relation to all the bits that will be made over the course of the summer, as Charlotte keeps up this process with a new performer arriving every three weeks to Begin their own process. Then in September, we all (cast) gather back in Sheffield to assemble the work. One can only imagine some things...

Its been interesting to observe Valentina as she has been inserted into an ongoing process, and has to develop coping strategies on the fly a bit. Or in other words, Charlotte and PK and I, have been accumulating and storing a bank or list of images and words and sounds and such, that we can refer to for use. I wonder if Valentina will go through any similar process when Henry arrives late in her three week period.

Lots of potential material has been discarded for the time being. Or perhaps material has been re-contextualised. In some cases, maybe its a less overt/obvious approach to material, and these bits have been allowed to simmer under the surface more, but still contribute to the gestalt. (Or something...)

Charlotte keeps mentioning, that I might be a disruptive figure the piece. Or that a persons (solo) might be in several short instalments over the course of the evening. As such, in the works we have been practicing this week, there might be several entrances and exits over the course of an hour or so.

We have been working with the set more this week, and the architecture of the space. Moving objects (chairs, mic stands, lights, bodies, texts etc) about the space.It can look afterwards, as if there has been a bit of a storm or disruption in the stage space. at times, I have felt disruptive myself, and have had images of breaking lights, or asking difficult questions (rhetorical?) and such. I have managed to break a few broom sticks whilst using them for pointers on the black board. This has me feeling like some deranged CEO or professor.

Ruth (dramaturg) came in to watch and feed back this week. I think she thought it was all a bit dark maybe. I believe I heard Charlotte say that this was not unusual for this period of a making process, and that perhaps, it might lighten up later. All I can do so far, is follow my nose.