Patrycja's Spring Tour Blog

I’ve only realised that we‘ve only got 7 shows left, before the spring tour finishes. The nature of this tour (big gaps between performances) makes me feel like every time we do it it’s a little premiere. It will soon be over, before I even could say that I KNOW everything about this show.

I’ve learned that although one performance doesn’t change much from another (well -it inevitably varies- as this is a nature of live art) even tiny alterations of tempo, tone, colour, way of approaching one’s activity seem to have massive impact on the overall picture. It’s a fragile organism. Although I aim to be as consistent as I can, there is an ongoing dialog with myself how far can I go – i.e reacting intuitively to audience responses – without bringing the damage to the structure. (A mischievous little desires to REALLY confront one or another member of the public and ask :“Is this shitty?” or “I’m melting in front of you- how does it make you feel?” “Shut up and listen!”…forth wall? What forth wall…

All the texts I deliver on stage, no matter if they are written by Wendy, or Scott, became mine, in a funny sense that I have to remind myself that –as Janusz says in show “these words are not mine”.

During each show I develop a special- one off, mini relationship with the audience. My role is to communicate between US and THEM, I spend lots of time looking into their eyes, observing. I sympathise with them at times, occasionally becoming one of them to observe my own actions. It depends on the night and who came to watch us, and what vibe they send towards us, my feelings towards public fluctuates between sense of joy of serving them something they probably didn’t expect, masochistic pleasure of seeing their confusion, satisfaction…or relief if they “get it”. Equipped with confidence I storm onto the stage, only to experience a wave of doubt. A difference between FEELING and ACTING doubt.

“I ‘m real”

“There isn’t such a thing as being real on the stage”

(?)

For a split second I might feel slightly superior…or even angry or disappointed, thinking If We Go On is really NOT THAT EDGY…so what’s the fuss… I‘m curious what American audiences will make of it all.